Category: Humor

AS THE PAST PASSES

DECEMBER 7, 2022 – Today in 1941 is the “day [that] will live in infamy,” so said President Roosevelt—the second Roosevelt, but I’ll come back to that later—in his speech to a joint session of Congress the day after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. “In infamy,” as it turns out, doesn’t mean “in eternity.” …

LIVIN’ THE LIFE OF RILEY

NOVEMBER 22, 2022 – My wife doesn’t know how lucky she is not to be at the Red Cabin with me—livin’ the life of Riley five days in a row. After just three days I was well into an eremitic routine. More than a week and I’d be a classic example of what happens to …

MASKING UP . . . AGAINST ONESELF

NOVEMBER 15, 2022 – Today I experienced a bad case of . . . myself. The back story: Upon successful emergence from my bone marrow stem cell transplant, I was prescribed fluorescent-yellow medicine as palatable as transmission fluid. The intended purpose of the daily dose of this awful stuff was to prevent bacterial pneumonia. When …

“DON’T LOOK UP!”

NOVEMBER 13, 2022 – Yesterday, heading out on my walk, I encountered our neighbors Kate and Dave across the alley. We hadn’t chatted in a while, so I stopped to talk. They’re smart, bright, articulate, well-informed and invariably have something worthwhile to hear. Among yesterday’s takes-away was a film recommendation: Don’t Look Up, on Netflix. …

DAY 72: CLIMBING DOWN OFF THE LADDER

NOVEMBER 3, 2022 – This morning at daybreak while I was on my pre-breakfast, woodland walk, my good friend Linda Hoeschler called. It’d been a while since we’d talked. By way of my 10/10-12/2022 posts, however, she was aware of my encounter with “the stick.” She admonished me to be careful while up here in …

THE STUBBORN IDIOT

SEPTEMBER 27, 2022 – Lately I’ve been working on the 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle (a physical map of North America) that our daughter-in-law, Mylène, gave me innocently a year ago—knowing my interest in maps. My unanticipated diagnosis and treatment provided ample opportunity to tackle the puzzle. Not until I’d emerged from the transplant process, however, did …

DAY 12: BEING RASH

SEPTEMBER 4, 2022 – (Cont.) When my mother got older she became obsessed (apparently) about her kids being rash. “Don’t do anything rash,” was a regular part of her farewell after every visit at “the home.” I won’t speak for my generally well-behaved sisters, but I’ll readily acknowledge that at an earlier stage of life, …

“HALF A DOZEN”

AUGUST 29, 2022 – (Cont.) Day Six. Yesterday’s appointment was another visit to the “MERCY CLINIC,” rather abandoned on the weekend, except for skeletal staff to administer to transplant patients like me—a two-day patient, a three-day, a six-day patient, I was informed. The wait was long enough for me to log a 10-minute walk up …

NOT YET OVER THE ROCKIES

AUGUST 25, 2022 – (Cont.) Roll back yesterday’s “video” of my LAX – LGA flight after take-off, climbing out of L.A. Having repeated my silent entreaty to the aviation gods for a “safe and uneventful take-off, a safe and uneventful flight, and a safe and uneventful landing” (four times, for extra efficacy–after all, airline safety …

BLAST-OFF!

AUGUST 23, 2022 – Blogger’s note: Wife is a sweetie. And I apologize for blowing way past my self-imposed daily word quota (of yore). (Cont.) Late Sunday evening my wife and I were still in the throes of preparing our abode for “cancer con”—short for “convalescence from the effects of cancer chemo treatment.” She had …

CAMPING SUPPLIES (FOR REAL, THIS TIME)

AUGUST 20, 2022 – Blogger’s note: The gracious reader will accept my apologies for the poor self-editing of yesterday’s post. The explanation (versus excuse) is that our hyper-imaginative granddaughter was under our day-long charge. Among her plays, musical performances, story-telling, painting sessions, and backyard expeditions, all of which required audience/spectator participation, I assembled very few …

“GOTTA GO!”

AUGUST 17, 2022 – (Cont.) I once had a friend, a close friend, a work colleague, whom I met my first day on the job as the lucky recruit to manage the “work-out” (deals gone bad) division of bank’s corporate trust department. The guy who hired me, it turned out, would later be escorted ignobly …

GENGHIS KAHN AND FRANKENSTEIN

AUGUST 15, 2022 – (Cont.) “Is it okay if he drives himself to the appointment this afternoon?” my wife asked the physician’s assistant. “Sure,” said the PA. “Well, actually,” I said, “because of the sedation this morning, I’ve been instructed not to drive or make any important decisions for the rest of the day.” The …

THINKIN’ “THANKS”

NOVEMBER 25, 2021 – Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. First, its centerpiece is culinary abundance, and at the center of the centerpiece is a stuffed turkey, my favorite land-based food. Second, I enjoy the story of the Original Feast, which occurred exactly four centuries ago this year. However mythicized and romanticized, it’s a …

MY WALK ‘N TALK WITH K.O.

NOVEMBER 21, 2021 – I’ve mentioned him before—our neighbor, “K.O.,” exactly my age, a retired high school honors English teacher, a Twins scout, and a former Republican. Yesterday he joined me on my walk to “Little Switzerland,” where we hiked hills for the equivalent of 41 flights of stairs. Every encounter with K.O. is filled …

THE SUPPLY CHAIN “DELIVERS”

OCTOBER 14, 2021 – “Supply chain” problems plague us. Reasons abound for shortages of parts, materials, dock space, truck drivers, and other disruptions. Recently, however, my wife the discriminating consumer, stumbled upon a simple solution: stop junking up the system with . . . “crap.” Her revelation led us to hysterical laughter, but this required …

F-BOMBING

OCTOBER 13, 2021 – While driving across rural Wisconsin Monday, I saw an enormous sign that screamed, “F_ _ _ BIDEN.” The blue background, white lettering, and big white stars on the sides mimicked “[YOU-KNOW-WHO]/PENCE” and “YOU-KNOW-WHO]/2020” signs on display during last year’s presidential campaign and “YOU-KNOW-WHO]/2024” signs during this year’s “stop the steal” effort. …

“WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT?”

SEPTEMBER 30, 2021 – Yesterday I talked about celestial majesty—the beauty of the Milky Way, the wonder of the cosmos. Today, the subject is . . . your anus. I’m joking, of course. I meant “urine—us,” which is how astronomers pronounce the problematic name of the seventh planet of our solar system, spelled U-r-a-n-u-s. I’ve …