Original anecdotes, commentary, rumination, and occasional pontification.
JUNE 9, 2021 – Barking neighborhood dogs used to annoy me. Recently, however, I quit barking—to avoid another manifestation of “old.” A cranky geezer is as appealing as “grampaw” clearing extra phlegm in the morning. Time to act 10 years younger than I am. This attitude-adjustment renders me almost amiable. Got a rescue dog that …
MAY 22, 2021 – Yesterday, I heard a report that cash is becoming obsolete. Not surprisingly, the pandemic accelerated the trend. The report mentioned that many retail businesses already don’t accept . . . cash. I wondered about the illicit gun and drug business, not to mention “cash” in exchange for that handyman working out …
MAY 2, 2021 – Yesterday brought the annual spring plague of gnats at the Red Cabin—not tiny gnats but mosquito-pretenders, with long fuselages, and noisy propellers. In swarm formations, they sound like the entire Luftwaffe re-enacting the Battle for Britain. These ugly critters assemble in hovering clouds, first next to the bench swing where you’d …
MARCH 29, 2021 – In the spring of second grade my teacher told us to look out for signs that the interminable winter wasn’t so. Every Monday, first thing, she’d ask us to cite the most recent harbingers of a more hospitable season. There were the usual things—disappearing snowbanks, green blades of grass, a robin …
MARCH 16, 2021 – Hanneys were unusual for our insular town, which straddled the Rum River where it debouches into the Upper Mississippi. Father Hanney spoke with a Welsh accent, and his wife Nell talked with an English one, though I couldn’t distinguish between the two accents. To my young American ears, the older Hanneys …
MARCH 10, 2021 – Where I grew up, sometimes you’d run into a kid who went to Mt. Olivet Missouri Synod Lutheran Church, hidden on our side of town; the Baptist Church, standing across from Monty’s Pure Oil at Main and Ferry; the Congregational Church, sitting modestly behind Anoka Junior High School; the understated Methodist …
FEBRUARY 26, 2021 – I remember the story well—how Mother backed her car into a lamp post in the parking lot next to the church, bashing the bumper and trunk lid. What impressed me most, however, was Dad’s sense of humor about it. After all, Mother had managed to back into the same lamp post …
FEBRUARY 18, 2021 – Last Monday I wiped out on skis. The issue was “boilerplate,” as my uncle used to call a patch of glare ice on a ski slope. Plus, I was on x-c skis—without sharp, metal, defensive edges. It was my first fall of the season—63 days, so far. As my left hip …
FEBRUARY 5, 2021 – During my banking years, the “Best Practices” corporate fad worked its way into on-site drinking water. Senior management imposed quotas on lower management, and soon everyone was obsessed with generating “best practice” ideas just to mollify the Quota Police. The fad topped the agenda of my boss’s weekly direct reports meetings. …
JANUARY 25, 2021 – In retirement, my dad took lots of photos with his classic Canon AE-1 SLR. He didn’t snap away indiscriminately. He made judicious use of his 36mm film and was persnickety about what he “shot” and how. Film was too expensive and his eye too sharp for a shotgun approach. After Dad …
JANUARY 13, 2021 – (Cont.) After dusk had yielded to darkness, my wife called. She had everything under control. I’d later learn the full extent to which that was the case, including a restatement of the exact expletives she’d directed irately at Byron in full earshot of the police officer on hand. (The most serious …
JANUARY 12, 2021 – The news has gotten so bad, I need to take a break—so to speak—and tell a story. Make that two, one within another. In the year I turned 51, I bought a brand-new Ford Mustang. It even had vanity plates bearing the nickname and origins of the car’s first forebear: PNY …
JANUARY 2, 2021 – “Huh?!” my wife said. On her part this isn’t an unusual response what I utter out of the blue; a non sequitur that leaves her contemplating our future, when she’s living in the “come and go as you please” wing of the nursing home, and I’m confined to the “keep this …
DECEMBER 31, 2020 – Left to my own devices, I’d be one of those people who leaves the plastic, illuminated Santa on the roof year-round . . . or at least until all the snow melted, which in these parts would be around April Fools’ Day. Fortunately for the neighbors, I’m rarely left to my …
DECEMBER 9, 2020 – As I departed city life for country life, my wife said, “Be sure you always have your phone and that it’s charged.” She knows I spend lots of time working in the woods, where there are a million ways to get into trouble, many exceedingly dumb. In addition to taking the …
NOVEMBER 7, 2020 – I woke just before the sun, slipped outside, and walked along the shoreline of Björnholm. Weather was splendid—perfect for posting trail signs in the “tree garden.” Biden’s ahead by the thinnest of margins. Will he prevail? That won’t end the drama. Consider Trump’s tirade Wednesday night—one so departed from truth, several …
OCTOBER 21, 2020 – With the onset of cold weather our blood adjusts (thickens) but gradually. This explains why 33F—yesterday’s local temp—feels so much colder in October than in March. Add the fact that my day-long bud-capping operation (see yesterday’s post) involved lots of standing in place and you’ll understand why I bulked up with …
OCTOBER 10, 2020 – Given headlines of late, one must summon humor to temper dark weather—actual and figurative—that bears down on the country. When there’s a humor shortage, my youngest niece knows how to remedy the situation. She pulls out the whoopee cushion. No matter how staid and serious the company, Maia pulls everyone present …
SEPTEMBER 25, 2020 – The other night I woke up with a start. Despite having been fed a hearty supper and later snacks my stomach was growling. I felt no discomfort, just annoyance from the interruption of a beautiful “movie” . . . I mean, dream . . . about skiing. The noise—from my stomach, …
SEPTEMBER 23, 2020 – When I worked at First Bank, now USBank, I had a boss whose name was Jim Roberts. One of my co-workers called him “Jim Bob” for short. Pretty soon, we all called Jim, “Jim Bob,” though never to his face. Jim Bob was a good boss—smart, effective, trustworthy, affable. We got …
SEPTEMBER 19, 2020 – Even though I got lost in the woods yesterday, the main point of this post is not about that—since I’m no longer lost—in the woods, anyway. Nor is this about anything broad- or big-minded; just something . . . down to earth. Know, however, that being lost in the great outdoors …
SEPTEMBER 14, 2020 – My third memorable fifth-grade lesson was about battlefield courage. The lesson could be traced directly to the Civil War. Background is in order. My dad was a student of the Civil War. He’d read all of Bruce Catton’s books on the subject and owned the four-inch-thick, illustrated volume, Civil War, published …
SEPTEMBER 13, 2020 – (cont.) As I circled the correct answer to question #4 (Susan had erased her circle around a wrong answer), I pictured a pool of vomit in the aisle; Mrs. Hilliard saying “Everyone stay calm,” then rushing out of the room; her returning minutes later with “Harry,” the friendly custodian only slightly …
SEPTEMBER 12, 2020 – My second memorable lesson from fifth grade was about guilt, taught again unwittingly by Susan Johansen, the girl who sat in front of me (see my 9/11 post – “The Sneeze”). One winter day our official teacher, Mrs. Hilliard, handed out a two-page, mimeographed math quiz and gave us instructions as …
SEPTEMBER 11, 2020 – I learned three memorable things in fifth grade. The first concerned sneezing. Until then, I’d never given sneezing much thought. When I had to sneeze, I sneezed. My sneezes were normal. They didn’t scare the cat or cause my arms to flap. And they didn’t produce improbable sounds—nothing like BZZZZZKK! which …