MARCH 24, 2021 – As I read about the latest shootings in Atlanta and Boulder, I’m thinking it’s time for a change; time to modernize our national emblem. I speak of the proud bald eagle that forms the official seal of the United States of America.
What’s with the arrows in the claws of that regal bird of pray . . . I mean, prey? The last I checked, we’re well into the 21st century, nearly 76 years since we dropped atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Arrows were weapons of our distant past. Correction. They were the weapons of the people we wiped out with the guns (and viruses!) of our distant past.
Did I say “guns”? Now that’s what should be in the eagle’s clutch—and not some rusty, flintlock as originally contemplated by the Second Amendment when the Bill of Rights was ratified in 1791. I mean, can you picture a majestic bald eagle soaring overhead with a single-shot rifle that took the best frontiersman 20 seconds to reload? No, of course not. That just wouldn’t . . . fly. After all, this is 2021, and as all reasonable people must agree, the Constitution is a living, breathing document that changes with the times. Besides museum curators and antique gun collectors, what self-respecting American assault-weapon owner doesn’t believe the Second Amendment has evolved alongside technology over the past 230 years? Bag the arrows for sure, and when it comes to updating our national seal, let’s go whole hog, full turkey, screamin’ eagle. Let’s move up to the pop weapon of our day, an AR-15. Did I say, “an”? Why stop with one? Surely our strong, brave eagle could handle—“clawdle”?—several AR-15s, just as nearly every mass American shooter seems to own an arsenal.
Rather than crow about gun control every time a school . . . or spa . . . or grocery store . . . gets shot up (along with a few wrong-place-at-wrong-time human beings), we need to embrace the quintessential symbol of American freedom, liberty, and the right to be dumb. We need to put our guns where our eagle glares. We need to embrace our national insanity as a matter of national exceptionalism and make clear to the world that when our true colors fly, our Grand Old Republic is a prideful gunocracy—amen. No other country can touch us when it comes to gunslinging—“We’re Number One! We’re Number One!”—and we need to make clear to friends and foes alike that we’re not about to relinquish the distinction.
To modernize fully our beloved eagle, we need to address the other foot, as well—the claws that grasp the olive branch. That symbol of peace has always been incongruous with our fighting spirit—our national defense budget, our forever wars, and our domestic violence. We need to acknowledge—we’re not about peace; we’re about letting bullets fly and keeping America safe for gun owners. Then we need to insert a Bible in the eagle’s talons. After all, we’re a nation of thoughts and prayers—provided they’re Christian.
(Remember to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.)
© 2021 by Eric Nilsson
