JUNE 1, 2020 – Facebook isn’t for the thin-skinned or those of tentative conviction. Personally, I swim hot and cold with it. On one hand, I’m entertained, informed, and enriched by it. On the other hand, like the title figure in Finding Nemo, I’m habitually looking for trouble and . . . finding it.
Last week I got my hand—er, fin—slapped for having “chastised” someone for his uninformed comment expressed with expletives in a froth of inarticulate anger. The poster’s friend then haughtily replied to my comment by informing me that profanity on her page was just fine but that “chastising” her friends was not. Ouch!
This morning I went for other bait—a reposted meme that read, “POLICE DIDN’T MURDER GEORGE FLOYD. DEREK CHAUVIN MURDERED GEORGE FLOYD.” I made the mistake of thinking about this for more than my average attention span of five seconds. My very next error was to give it five more seconds of slightly deeper thought, followed by 10 seconds of rapid thumb movement. The result: a tiny splash for all the world to see, viz. “On the other hand, in viewing the situation broadly and systemically, it could be fairly argued that all of society murdered George Floyd.”
Game (Sharks!) on.
After lots of commotion, I wrote, “I’ll let you have the last word,” and quickly swam off to find cover amidst a large school of mixed species passing by. Time to find other trouble in the deep blue sea of Facebook.
Will I ever wise up? Probably not. I’m Nemo, and however much I might try to camouflage my bright stripes and orange scales, I’ll never be able to control the synapses inside my little fish brain in a way that will allow slow, graceful strokes in placid, crystal clear waters. Nemo now, Nemo forever.
I have fishy friends who forswear the polluted seas in which I swim. “Oh, I’m not on Facebook,” they declare in disgust. Or, unable to eschew Facebook altogether and swim to higher ground—I mean, cleaner waters—they stay in the shallows and exclaim, “Oh God!” at the mere mention of Zuckerberg’s Frankenstein, as in –“On Facebook I saw . . .” —“Oh God!” Yet other friends are deep divers armed with spearguns. They go so deep into social media waters, even the fish need oxygen tanks. When they surface, it’s with the mental bends. In some cases their scales are afire. I’m not kidding—it’s been known to happen! (I saw it on Facebook.)
The only way to stop the madness inside your head is for me to stop the madness inside my head . . . and vice versa. But just plain STOP! This is America, where anything goes. It’s the price of freedom! “No Justice, No Peace!”? Try, “No freedom, no fatal stupidity!” (And . . . “No internet, no bots or hackers!”)
Which leaves me to wonder . . . would Voltaire now amend his famous quip, “I vehemently disagree with what you say, but I’d fight to the death for your right to say it.”
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© 2020 by Eric Nilsson
