Original anecdotes, commentary, rumination, and occasional pontification.
DECEMBER 18, 2022 – When you’re young, you dream big dreams. When you’re old, you light your pipe, lean back in the recliner and recall the big dreams that might’ve been but for circumstances . . . beyond . . . ahem . . . your control. In my case, the big dream derailed because …
DECEMBER 16, 2022 – Today, shortly after an hour-long ski workout in ideal conditions, I received a call from the coordinating nurse of a study in which I’d agreed to participate. The study is designed to test the efficacy of a combination of two medications in post-stem cell transplant, multiple myeloma patients. One of the …
DECEMBER 12, 2022 – Nuclear fusion. Sorry to burst your bubble. With a title like “Big News!” doubtless you were half-expecting . . . big news. If it’s not exactly how we or the media would define “big news,” tomorrow’s official announcement about a breakthrough in harnessing energy produced by nuclear fusion is a critical …
NOVEMBER 16, 2022 – Today, after many weeks of embracing the delights of life—yes, LIFE in all its beauty and brilliance—following my autologous stem cell transplant in August, I had to spend two hours on the phone with a coordinator of a clinical study. The call reminded me that though I’m out of “cancer jail,” …
NOVEMBER 2, 2022 – Today while bud-capping white pine trees in the “tree garden,” I spotted a four-year old seedling nestled up against an old, pin oak tree. The red leaves of a raspberry plant, backlit by Apollo’s chariot, dangled over the pine. A nice picture, I thought. Just as I reached for my iPhone, …
SEPTEMBER 25, 2022 – Yesterday’s crankiness was overcome by my friends. To these accidental therapists I am especially grateful. As noted in yesterday’s post, I’d taken a break from the Ken Burns documentary, The U.S. and the Holocaust. The “pause” button, however, didn’t extinguish my angst. I experienced continuing dread by the very fact that …
SEPTEMBER 20, 2022 – Soon after I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last January, I started regular online sessions with an excellent therapist. In today’s session I described recent anxieties: e.g. What if Wednesday brings such severe conditions that piloting the boat to the landing two miles away turns unduly treacherous? What if the new …
SEPTEMBER 19, 2022 – (Cont.) At this late hour, I feel a bit like one of the running marathon finishers holding onto my silver space blanket with one hand and a cup of water in the other, as I stagger toward the heap of plastic bags with my race number on the outside and a …
SEPTEMBER 18, 2022 – (Cont.) Today marks Day 26 of my bone marrow transplant “marathon,” but as Yogi Berra famously said, “The game ain’t over ’til it’s over,” and to remind my readers, a marathon is 26.2 miles long. Accordingly, the finish line is an all-critical 385 yards—some 300 strides—beyond the 26-mile marker. As I …
SEPTEMBER 17, 2022 – (Cont.) Today marks the 25th mile of my bone marrow transplant marathon. As a professor said at the outset of my second year of law school, “Now you’ll finish whether you like it or not.” His point to us students was that we now had such a vested interest in our …
SEPTEMBER 15, 2022 – Blogger’s note: Photo credit to my cousin, Russ Gordon, who, coincidentally, sent me the image early this morning–from Zermatt, Switzerland. (Cont.) Today I hiked a mile to my scale model of Switzerland—Como Golf Course in St. Paul—and from the summit of “St. Moritz,” admired the distinctive profile of the “Matterhorn.” It was …
SEPTEMBER 14, 2022 – (Cont.) This morning I entered a room of our house and discovered a patch of sunshine on the old, oak floor. This unexpected burst of light lifted my spirits and renewed my energy. In the reigning silence I heard my father’s voice. “The sun is the source of all life on …
SEPTEMBER 13, 2022 – (Cont.) The dream last night must’ve been triggered by yesterday’s appointment with Dr. O’Leary, “BMT doc of the month.” I’d met the good doctor on the day of my “chemo-blast.” Back then, Dr. O’Leary, a bit of a killjoy though a life-long downhill skier, had told me I’d have to give …
SEPTEMBER 10, 2022 – (Cont.) On the “work-up” days that preceded my BMT (bone marrow transplant), I noticed patients in various stages of their own procedures. Some of the people looked drawn and frail, as they sat in clinic wheelchairs, waiting for their appointments—blood draws, infusions, provider consults. I worried that one day soon, I’d …
SEPTEMBER 9, 2022 – (Cont.) We had to arise at an ungodly hour again this morning for my appointment, but the effort was worth it: my white blood cell count had rocketed to 5.5 and with it, the all-important neutrophil level had blasted all the way to 3.5 from yesterday’s 2.2. For a nurse, I …
SEPTEMBER 8, 2022 – (Cont.) Today’s 6:15 a.m. appointment at the “combination clinic – positive reinforcement center” revealed a jump in my hemoglobin to 9.3 (two days ago it stood at 6.9), to which the P.A. remarked, “Are you trying to show off?” The all-important neutrophil count was up to 2.2 (from 1.9, yesterday; zero …
SEPTEMBER 7, 2022 – (Cont.) For me, the past 24 hours have been packed with deep emotion. When I put my head down on my hospital bed at 11:00 last night, I was filled with amorphous trepidation, the Ativan taken a half hour earlier having had little effect. My sleep through the night, interrupted by …
SEPTEMBER 6, 2022 – (Cont.) At the outset of my current expedition, marathon, trip across the ocean, I’d formed four mental linear graphs by which to mark my progress: 14-days; 20-days; 30-days; and 100-days. Others exist beyond, of course—180-days, a year out, two years, and so on. But for now, in the midst of the …
SEPTEMBER 4, 2022 – (Cont.) When my mother got older she became obsessed (apparently) about her kids being rash. “Don’t do anything rash,” was a regular part of her farewell after every visit at “the home.” I won’t speak for my generally well-behaved sisters, but I’ll readily acknowledge that at an earlier stage of life, …
SEPTEMBER 3, 2022 – (Cont.) It’s not what I’d pictured. The hospital room, I mean, where most likely I’ll be until Tuesday—Day 14. It’s a luxury suite with a commanding view of Mississippi River, as it wends its way between Minneapolis and St. Paul. If I’m still a little seasick, I’m in the best care …
SEPTEMBER 1, 2022 – (Cont.) When one is far out at sea, beyond the reference points of land, each day mimics another, except for the clockwork and declination of sun, moon and stars. This morning I slipped out of bed extra early for a 6:15 appointment with the Angels of the University. In the glow …
AUGUST 31, 2022 – (Cont.) Day 8. Like a sea of porpoises, arching in and out of the water, waves rise, crest, and fall relentlessly toward their destination beyond the horizon. Day and night, they carry my plucky little vessel forward across the boundless sea. Now, in the moment, with the sun in my face …
AUGUST 30, 2022 – (Cont.) “Day 7” is feeling like mile 13 of a marathon. I’m still flying along, on pace, but the pavement’s beginning to burn underfoot. I’ll spare the reader the details I shared at today’s appointment—“It’s all good!” as it is said—but not qu-i-i-i-te as good as it was the previous day, …
AUGUST 24, 2022 – Blogger’s note: Being under the gun to make it on time to my daily appointment at the “Center,” I haven’t proofed this post. (Cont.) Yesterday I learned another lesson in hope for humanity. Before the transplant procedure yesterday afternoon, I hadn’t known the somewhat ritualistic significance that the medical team assigns …
AUGUST 22, 2022 – (Cont.) Yesterday afternoon I joked to some friends that “I like going to the U of MN Cancer Center so much, I even go there on Saturday and Sunday.” Joking aside, this past weekend’s sessions, each for an infusion line flush, were brief and uneventful, except for the discovery that my …