AUGUST 9, 2022 – Six months ago, the big news was Russia’s unprovoked invasion of Ukraine. Wall-to-wall coverage of the ensuing crimes against humanity riveted our eyes, ears, hearts, and minds 24/7 . . . until . . . the shoot-up of the store in Buffalo, followed soon thereafter by the mind-numbing, heart-splitting murder of innocents in Uvalde, Texas. The out-of-control proliferation of AR-15s then gave way to the price of gasoline surging past five bucks a gallon. Before long, news of inflation was displaced by Cassidy Hutchinson’s startling testimony before the January 6 House Select Committee (now tell me again, who was she?). Then came the weather, but even that’s water over the dam . . . or fire in the forest . . . now that monkey pox is upon us.
For split second along the way, we heard about James Webb (Who, again, was he?), until galaxies, nebulae, and the whole shebang were the latest yawner. From a cosmic perspective, this was a very old story before it was even news, so naturally, its razzle-dazzle faded as quickly as a meteor’s tail. The story’s destiny was in the stars.
Today, the talk of the town is the FBI search of Mar-a-Lago. Speaker-wanna-be McCarthy tried unceremoniously to turn the search into a career-advancing opportunity—for himself, of course, come January 2023. “Preserve your documents and clear your calendar,” the California Republican blustered—nominally to the bookish Attorney General Garland but directly to the red meat Republican base. The pundits can’t decide what’s bigger news: (a) the search itself; (b) Trump’s reaction to it; or (c) McCarthy’s pathetic grand-standing. According to Fox-with-TrotsNews, the latest “witch hunt” against the Don of La Cosa Nonsense is the beginning of the end for democracy in America. (Huh?! What say you, Monsieur de Tocqueville?)
My money is on the weather staging a comeback—before and after President Shee(sh!) of China lobs another missile toward Taiwan. But when, I wonder, will we be delivered—finally, please!—from news of the Clown of Fake Steaks?
I should like to feel better again about the world’s prospects, especially when my disregard for “breaking news” led to blissful ignorance of (i) Greenland becoming Glacierless, (ii) Putin bombing a nuclear plant, and, (iii) hedge funds continuing to avoid taxes on covered interests (see the recently passed Senate bill outlawing inflation). The world was a much happier and more beautiful place when my eyes and ears were buried in the baked sands of drought.
What yanked me back to Unpleasantville was a call from my good friend Ravi, who laughed when he reported You-Know-Who’s reaction to the FBI search: “They even broke into my safe!”
I laughed too. As Bart Simpson coined it: “You can’t make this stuff up.” We’ve become Cartoon Nation, with Richie Raunch as our former and wanna be future president—for whom 74 million voters pulled the lever a second time. Talk about Looney Tunes!
All I can say is, “Beep! Beep!” and run from Wile E. News.
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© 2022 by Eric Nilsson
