MAY 15, 2020 – I’m now in week four of my Garage Clean-up Project. It’s a puzzle for which the solution keeps changing; an art studio of endless possibilities—all accompanied by . . . radio.
In this regard I could be more creative, more productive. I could assemble a playlist of favorite “songs” . . . er, “symphonies”? . . . and by one of a variety of modern wonders, listen to same while I work. Or I could listen to podcasts recommended by friends. But instead of “getting with the modern program,” I’ve opted for radio; not public radio, which I’ve boycotted since November 27, 2017, but commercial radio.
After sampling several bland stations, I rediscovered WDGY (nicknamed, “WeeGee”), one of the two local rock ’n roll stations of my youth. The station’s programming has moved on—slightly. It now plays “golden oldies”—except we’re not talking from the 1960s or 1970s. We’re hearing 80s and 90s. “Golden”—is a matter of perspective, as are “oldies.”
What’s now is the advertising, a parody of itself. Nothing new there. When it comes to hyperbole, America’s the greatest nation in the history of the world. Exhibit A: Trump. Exhibit B: the WeeGee ad for mortgage refinancing. From “historically the lowest interest rates ever,” the ad continues with, “This is the biggest no-brainer of all time.” For a moment I thought the eight-foot 2 x 4 I’d just leaned against the garage wall had smacked me on the head.
This ad and others repeat to the point of my unintentional memorization. Our garage is now doubling as a storehouse for baloney sausage. An ad on behalf of plaintiffs attorneys seeking participants in a mass tort class action claims, “According to media studies, there’s strong evidence of a link between prolonged use of Johnson & Johnson baby powder and cancer of the [giggermarole].” “According to media studies”? Who in the hell came up with that? Oh yeah. We’re living in the year 2020—deep into the Age of Non-Science.
Other ads lead either with fear—“Stock markets around the world are plunging . . .” or the specter of missing out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity—“This outstanding offer is good only through tomorrow, so act now!”
The radio hyperbole of today reminds me when I was a kid looking at a congested retail zone of Minneapolis through the backseat window of my dad’s 1960 Buick. I noticed the hyperbolic signage and billboards along the way. “Buy [this]!” “Buy [that]!” “Buy NOW!” I was just old enough to wonder how long it would take to get into serious trouble if you did what every sign told you to do.
Several years ago while visiting Norway, my wife and I rode a train famous for its scenic route. On the side of the train cars was a piece of classically understated Scandinavian advertising: “One of the most beautiful rail journeys in this region of Norway.” In America, it would be, “The most amazing ride in the world!”
Now back to the garage—and hyperbole on “Wonderful WeeGee.”
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© 2020 by Eric Nilsson
