TURKEY DAY MENU: GOOD FOOD AND GOOD LAUGHS

NOVEMBER 30, 2024 – The crowd at our Thanksgiving Day dinner table were in unanimous agreement that the turkey our younger son had prepared in his Traeger smoker was probably the best ever served. The stories—told by the guests—were nearly as funny as the turkey was tasty and juicy. To protect the innocent and the guilty, I’ve altered their names and appearances.

After covering a broad range of topics, we at the table somehow reached the subject of driving infractions. The most serious one was running a redlight during a mother-and-daughter driving lesson years ago. (Both the mother and the daughter were among the Thanksgiving dinner guests.)

“I’d just told L how important it was to drive defensively,” said E, the mom, “when I then blew a red light at a busy intersection.”

Laughing, the daughter chimed in, “I couldn’t believe it. I told her, ‘Uh, Mom, I think you just ran a red light!’”

“A policeman saw it,” said E, and pulled us over. “When he asked, ‘Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?’ I said, ‘I just ran a red light!’ and went like this . . .?” E slapped her hand over her mouth and made her eyes as big as frisbees. “The officer was very polite and said he was giving me a warning. I thanked him profusely, and he then returned to his car to write out a warning. When he returned and handed me the paper warning—it was on pink paper—I pulled my wallet out my purse, which is where I happened to put all the other warnings I’d received. I’d forgotten that I’d put them there, and they were sticking out rather prominently. I don’t know if the officer saw them, but he if he did, he was kind enough to stick to his decision this time around—a warning, not a ticket, for running a red light.

Everyone and anything that was near the intersection that day had escaped unscathed. And E, even, had avoided a ticket.

The story was a perfect set-up for a story told by the dad, T. He is a gregarious man, also smart, sharp, and caring. He’s skilled at a lot of things and interested in everything. He’s an entertaining storyteller, and the one he proceeded to tell I can imagine as short film at a popular film festival.

A year or so before the “red-light incident,” L was being driven to school by T. They were running late, and T was driving just a bit over the posted speed limit—but enough, apparently, to prompt an alert trooper to pull him over. When the officer asked for evidence of car insurance, T produced from the glove compartment the renewal paperwork that he’d recently received. The officer took the papers and walked back to his car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to the passenger side of the car where L was sitting, and through the open window, talked past L to T.

The trooper said there was a problem; that there was no evidence the premium had been paid; that T would not be allowed to drive the car.

“I knew that the insurance had been renewed,” said T, “and that I’d paid the premium. I told the officer that but he said he needed written proof and wouldn’t budge. ‘So,’ I said, ‘what am I supposed to do if I can’t drive my car? I have to get my daughter to school, and here we are, stuck on the freeway.’ But the guy just didn’t care. It was my problem.”

Sometimes in life, a guy catches a lucky break; a completely unforeseen random event that neither the guy in a jam nor the most imaginative storyteller in the world could anticipate.

“As I was pleading with the officer, he leaned on the car door and just stared at me through the open window, unwilling to cut me any slack. He was chewing gum with his mouth wide open—just chewing away, glaring at me, and guess what happened? His gum fell out of his mouth and right onto L!”

“Oh my God, it was so gross,” said L. “I was wearing shorts, and the gum fell right on my leg!”

T laughed. “No one said a word. We were frozen in place—all three of us—no one knowing what to say.”

“I knew what to say,” said L. “and it was ‘What you just did was gross!’”

Laughing even harder, T said, “The trooper then said to us, ‘I think you can go now,’ and we did. Saved by the chewing gum he couldn’t keep in his mouth.”

Over the best pumpkin pie ever served since 1621, we were regaled with hilarious boat stories by T, embellished by E.

What fun is a Thanksgiving dinner that isn’t stuffed with good stories and humor—and the best Turkey Day food ever?!

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© 2024 by Eric Nilsson

1 Comment

  1. Jeffrey Klenk says:

    Great stories!

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