MAY 14, 2019 – Yesterday afternoon I spent two-and-a-half hours holed up in a conference room with another lawyer, an accountant, and a business guy. Our goal was to agree on a number as we pored over financials, struggling to find the source of a discrepancy. By the meeting’s end, we agreed only that we disagreed.
Dejected, I stepped onto the elevator for the long ride down to the lobby. As my footsteps echoed across the lobby, figures still echoed inside my head. With a frown, I waited my turn for the revolving door, then exited the tower as if by rejection. I walked slowly toward my office several blocks away. Workers departing for the day spilled onto the sidewalks everywhere and walked more purposefully than at lunchtime, occasionally jostling me along their way.
Three blocks into my walk I turned a corner onto a less busy route. Striding toward me was Ralph M., whom I hadn’t seen in months. The sight of this long-time friend instantly boosted my morale.
“Ralph!” –“Eric!” We said to each other simultaneously.
Ralph is a lawyer, but he’s the funniest smart person I know. Or maybe I mean the smartest funny person I know. A perfectly serious guy when required, Ralph is one of those people who sees humor in everything. Plus, he’s a great storyteller. Whenever we run into each other he tells me a true story that is hysterically funny.
Yesterday he was rushing to the annual Law Day dinner but took time to unleash a little humor.
“Do you have a cat?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m very allergic . . .”
“That doesn’t matter,” said Ralph, smiling. “I’m just asking, because I have a story.
“I’m taking mental notes.”
“Good . . . Once a golden retriever, a Doberman pinscher and cat showed up together at the Pearly Gates. On that particular day, God himself was in charge of admissions. From his big throne, he turned to the retriever and asked, ‘So, retriever, why should you be in heaven?’
“’I’m all about love,’ said the retriever. ‘I was good to my family—played with the kids, greeted company, always wagged my tail, and was full of love for everyone.’
“‘Good,’ said God. ‘You’re in. You can sit at my right side.’ Then, turning to the other dog, God asked, ‘So, Doberman—why should I let you into heaven?’
“‘I did a good job protecting my family. I barked at strangers, scared away would-be burglars, kept my family and their home safe and secure.’
“‘Admirable,’ said God. ‘The world is blessed by your kind. You’re in too. You can sit on my left side.
“God then turned to the cat and asked, ‘Now, little feline, what about you?’
“‘Me?’ said the cat. ‘I want your chair.’”
With that Ralph glanced at his watch and said he had to go. As we parted ways with a wave, I told him we needed to get together again soon so I could hear another true story.
© 2019 Eric Nilsson
