THE NUN WITH A GUN

APRIL 18, 2019 – A friend, Judy H., told a true story about a nun with a gun. No matter what your position is on gun control, you’ll agree that within the story lies an amusing lesson or two.

Judy, a liberal Catholic, had a friend who was a nun in an order that promoted social justice. (The “nun” was probably a “sister,” but since “nun” rhymes with “gun,” I use “nun.” I leave non-Catholics to research on their own the distinction.) In keeping with the order’s mission, the nun worked at a food shelf in the middle of a marginalized inner city of our great country. Because of real and perceived dangers lurking in the vicinity, the (liberal) staff at the food shelf urged the nun to buy and carry a small gun in her purse, just in case.

With every fiber of her liberal political being, the nun opposed guns and everything about them. She steadfastly refused to accept her colleagues’ persistent advice. But they too refused to relent. What to do? The nun ultimately decided she could have things both ways. To achieve peace with the staff, she bought a small handgun and showed it to them. Consistent with her disdain for guns, she promptly shoved her gun to the bottom of her purse—and her memory . . . well, to a point, as you will shortly see.

Time passed. Daylight savings time ended, and two days later, the nun left the food shelf after dark. She got into her modest car for the drive back to the convent. As she approached a 7-11 a short distance from the food shelf, she remembered that she’d run out of milk that morning. Without a second thought, she pulled into a parking space between another couple of unremarkable cars outside the store.

Weaving among the other customers, the nun picked out a container of milk, waited her turn at the checkout counter, paid, and exited the store.

To her dismay, when she peered into the windshield of the parked car, she saw a man seated behind the wheel—about to steal her car right in front of her eyes! However forgetful the nun had been about the gun in her purse, she was now equally quick-witted. Reflexively and in unified motion, she set down the milk, reached deep into her purse, pulled out the gun, stepped beside the car, aimed it at the would-be car thief, and yelled, “Get out!”

The man did just that and more. He dashed away into the night.

Shaken, the nun gathered enough composure to stick the gun back into her purse, retrieve the milk and get herself into the car. With nervous breath, she put the milk on the passenger seat and pulled her car keys out of her purse. Taking hold of the ignition key she tried to insert it into the ignition slot. Tried. Tried again. She then realized what you the reader just realized.

© 2019 Eric Nilsson