MAY 14, 2021 – As the old adage has it, the second happiest day in a guy’s life is the day he buys a boat.
But I’ll have you know that while traditionally, guys were boat-buyers, another effect of the pandemic was turning women into a major influence in the pleasure boat market. By the end of last year’s boating season, the number of women visiting boattrader.com, the largest online boat marketplace in America, was up 75%. Among women 18 to 24, visits were up 198%; 126% higher among women over 65.
My wife’s in one of these two groups, and if she wasn’t among the women who visited boattrader.com last year, I knew how much she’d enjoy a pontoon boat—today’s vessel of choice—so, I bought her one for Christmas. Irrespective of which day might be my second happiest, I wanted Beth to enjoy unlimited post-pandemic, happy days again, cruising around our lake.
All went swimmingly this chilly May. Dock installation (by yours truly): check. Solar powered boat lift assembled (by dealer) and delivered dockside: check. Boat prepped (by dealer) and delivered to public landing on far side of lake: check.
Despite my having put Beth’s name on the boat’s title, she opted to drive the car back to cabin while I drove the new watercraft. In full view of the dealer and some fishermen waiting to haul their boat out of the water at the landing, I carefully backed away. “Stay between the markers!” the fishermen yelled in unison. “Or you’ll hit the rocks,” added the dealer. I managed not to embarrass myself . . . or wreck the lower unit.
Upon clearing the hazard zone, I turned slowly to starboard, pointed the bow to open waters and headed out to sea. The engine hummed, as sunbeams washed the deck of the good ship, Northern Comfort (to be re-christened, Happy Days are Here Again, perhaps?). If I looked like an old salt, I felt like a kid with a new toy.
Our shoreline looked like some far-off land, until with distance gained, I espied a tiny person on a tiny dock next to a tiny lift in front of a tiny Red Cabin, all growing bigger in proportion to my speed. Upon reaching the shallows, I slowed, then navigated close enough for Beth to board. We headed for the middle of the lake to put the boat through more maneuvers. She passed with flying colors.
Then came the ultimate test of helmsmanship: landing the new boat onto the lift. It took three tries in wind and waves to align correctly . . . and . . . get stuck fast halfway onto the lift bunks. The water was too shallow, the boat’s draft too deep.
The second happiest day thus became a day of analysis, list of alternatives, talks with the dealer (who’d tested depth and clearance after installation . . . hmmm), and a workaround plan. The happiest day in this guy’s life will be “the day his wife’s new boat fits on the lift.”
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© 2021 by Eric Nilsson
