THE GIFT

DECEMBER 27, 2021 – Yesterday, dear friends (fully boostered, with recent negative Covid test results) dropped by for an extended visit. More than a year had passed since our last in-person encounter. For three hours we caught up on family life and talked some about the state of the world.

I’ve known Liz since she was seven and I was five. We grew up in the same small town, and as was the case at that time and place, our families were intertwined with the vibrant life of the community. Years later, she and Perry and I wound up as law school classmates. It was during that era that Liza, an accomplished flutist, and I played wedding gigs. Decades later, thanks to her persistence and participation, and with yet another mutual friend/law school classmate, we launched what became annual winter house concerts drawing a large, loyal following.

When I met my wife, naturally she too formed what is now a long-standing friendship with Liz and Perry.

Our two friends come from families of respected standing and accomplishment. Liz and Perry themselves have achieved much in life and contributed in abundance to society. They are models of good citizenship and masters in the art of good living.

As we shared family updates yesterday, I became sharply aware of the richness these two have added to our lives. I felt a groundswell of gratitude for the supreme gift their friendship, year in, year out.

At the same time, I felt regret for how much my life has revolved around a quintessentially Western, certainly American, trait: “me-ism.” Exceptionally self-absorbed most of the time, I’ve habitually put self ahead of others. Personal pursuits in a host of endeavors have ensured that my life is all about me. Perhaps, though, I’m no more self-centered than most people of this culture.

Furthermore, self-focus has its place: a good ensemble player must devote years of “alone time” to acquire the requisite proficiency to give the ensemble viability. Likewise, a team sport player must train alone—ad nauseam—to develop the skill and fitness to advance the score on behalf of the team. And any professional must study alone to be of any value to clients and to the collective. Finally, to interact with others in a meaningful way, a person needs a base of knowledge, abilities, and experience that can be acquired only on one’s own.

Yet, I observe people like Liz and Perry who look beyond themselves; who with genuine concern and interest, embrace the needs and woes of others. Our friends are models of giving—of themselves, as they did yesterday at our hearth.

Whatever one does with one’s life, life’s meaning can be measured best by its positive effect on others. This was the message that Liza and Perry unwittingly left behind yesterday evening. May others—myself in the lead—emulate these two, first by initiative, eventually by habit, and meld personal focus with outreach to others to make this shared world a richer place with greater promise.

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© 2021 by Eric Nilsson