PARTY TIME

February 21, 2020 – I have a plan for the Democrats. It goes like this:

Just before Super Tuesday, the Las Vegas “debaters” plus Steyer hold a conclave–and create a huge media buzz around it. Then on the day before the multi-state primary, they hold a prime-time press conference.

The group strides in led by Warren and Klobuchar. Mayor Pete, wearing a MAGA cap, then steps up to the lectern and delivers a two-minute pep talk that emphasizes national unity, civility, common wants and needs and the importance of preventing Trump’s re-election. He then introduces the “elder statesman,” Joe Biden.

Joe thanks the Mayor Pete and tells the press corps that as the elder statesman, he sees the wisdom of youth and their elder champion, Bernie. And being as wise as HE is, Joe adds, “Here’s the deal: we Democrats (other than my friend Bernie) saw the necessity of making sacrifices for the good of the country. The leading sacrifice: stepping aside from our presidential aspirations.”

Joe then steps aside, as the scowling Bernie steps up. “I welcome my colleague’s good sense to step aside so that I can lead the ticket. IT’S ABOUT TIME!” he shouts. He then adds, “And I think Amy Klobuchar will serve as an excellent vice president. Amy . . .” clamping his lips together in signature fashion ( slightly off-center), Bernie steps aside.

“I look forward to serving as an active vice president,” she says with a giddy smile, teeth gleaming. “What better experience for becoming the first woman president?!” (The press corps cheer.) She then says, “And just to remind you, I’m middle-of-the-road from Minnesota. Now let me yield the floor back to our choice for Secretary of State, former chair of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee who knows the names of all the Presidents of Mexico going all the way back to when we stole Texas (and why did we do that?) . . . Joe Biden!”

Next, Joe introduces Elizabeth Warren as the Sanders administration’s pick to serve as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development AND Education AND Consumer Affairs.

Warren (fist pumping) accepts the applause of her colleagues, and says, “It is my supreme honor, as a fighter and a teacher, to introduce Tom Steyer as our administration’s pick for Secretary of the EPA and Climate Change Policy Czar.”

Steyer steps up, acknowledges the applause and says, “Together we’re going to save the planet!” [Cheers erupt.] “That leaves Mike–oops! I didn’t mean that to sound like it did. What are we to do with Mike? [chuckles ripple through the press corps.] We do the logical thing. We make him Secretary of the Treasury.”

Now it’s Mike’s turn. “Thank you, Tom,” he says dryly. “That now brings us back to the kid, Mayor Pete . . . who will serve as White House Press Secretary and Speech Giver at Large.”

Pete steps up again.  “Thanks, Mike . . . Folks, that’s pretty much it–except for one final note–Mike here has made a two-for-one pledge. Whatever Trump raises, Mike will contribute twice as much to Trump’s defeat.

“By the way . . . ‘MAGA’ now stands for ‘Make America Glad Again.’

“Now let’s go win!”