DECEMBER 4, 2021 – I’m aware that my smartphone hears me talk—even when I’m not talking to it. And I know that if it hears me, it relays the information to the internet. When I later browse, I’m smacked with ads relating to conversations I’ve had in front of my phone. If the phone picks up “ski,” the next time I go online, sure enough, there’s an ad for Telluride.
By this process, I’ve managed to get linked to cockpit videos of landings and takeoffs in strong crosswinds, container ships losing their cargos in heavy seas, and . . . the most mystifying—idiots in over-loaded bowriders bucking the seas at Haulover Inlet in Miami. For landlubbers, a “bowrider” is an open-bow vessel, also called a runabout, powered by an outboard motor or sterndrive engine (“inboard/outboard” or “I/O”).
I don’t know why the bowrider videos show up in my browsing world. We own a sedate pontoon that plies lake water (which I describe in a stately way), not a fancy v-hull boat equipped with twin 100-horse-powered Honda engines designed to power skipper and guests from Miami to Bimini in 45 minutes. Oh well. “’Tis what ’tis,” as it’s said.
I must admit, however, that watching a 20-foot bowrider bearing 12 people leap clear out of the water as it confronts the punishing waves squeezing through narrow Haulover Inlet, captures my attention. Five minutes of viewing guarantees that such videos will compete fiercely with videos of commercial aircraft landing in crazy crosswinds at Gatwick.
Yesterday, I caught a “bowrider video” that was a cut . . . below . . . the rest. A Formula brand boat loaded with too many people, was attempting to exit Haulover Inlet. No one aboard was wearing a life jacket. The skipper was in way over his head, so to speak—starting with not having limited the number of passengers and then, failure to insist that all passengers wear floatation devices. Nor did he know how to link power with steering.
As the bow rose suddenly to bite the sky, then just as abruptly, plunged with a might splash into a trough, the inevitable occurred: one of the passengers in the open bow went over-board.
This was only the beginning. In the drink the young woman stuck her arm straight out of the water, determined to keep her smartphone dry! Luckily, a guy on a PWC (“personal watercraft” often called (inaccurately) a “jetski”) scooted to her rescue—I mean her smartphone rescue. She was more concerned about saving her damn phone than her precious life!
I think this video is one of the best lines of defenses against an invading, alien force. As the UFOs prepared to land, we’d blast the clip skyward for the invaders to watch. Rather than atomize us and our civilization, they’d conclude that we were dumber than (earth) dirt and thus utterly harmless. With the aliens having let their guard down, we’d unleash every conceal-and-carry member of society. Within seconds, the aliens would be toast and we’d remain . . . safer than ever, thanks to our guns.
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© 2021 by Eric Nilsson
