OCTOBER 15, 2023 – After UB’s memorial service, my sisters and I spent a weekend together at the old Holman house overlooking Upper Hamburg Cove[1]. For us it was an historic occasion: the only time in our lives when all four of us had congregated there at the same time. Joining us were Linnea and …

OCTOBER 14, 2023 – I was strolling through Amsterdam Airport Schiphol, waiting for a return flight to the U.S. when I received the call from the hospice nurse at CareOne. UB had “landed” at approximately 5:00 a.m. New Jersey time. Close behind the call I got Queequeg’s text: “Uncle Bruce died peacefully, dreaming of old …

OCTOBER 13, 2023 – Mother the devout Episcopalian had said, “Funerals are for the living.” Her perspective resonated with me as I joined my sisters in a meeting with the Episcopal rector about the funeral service. I gave them all the latitude they desired in choosing the hymns and readings. The liturgy was the realm …

OCTOBER 12, 2023 – By early 2017 Mother and UB were locked in competition for final landing. In mid-March, however, UB summoned the energy for one last display of obsessional behavior.  On the 16th, I recorded in my journal: Yesterday and the day before UB called me about eight times. I never answered. [Queequeg] sent …

OCTOBER 11, 2023 – We were in a rush to CareOne to join UB and Queequeg in time for dinner—early seating. As usual, Cliff drove like a fire chief on his way to a four-alarm conflagration. To cut additional time, he squealed into the closest parking slot by the entrance. “RESERVED FOR DOCTOR,” it read. …

OCTOBER 10, 2023 – Mother, meanwhile, was losing more altitude. On one of my regular visits a while after I’d returned from New Jersey, I was alarmed at the sight of Mother’s bluish, swollen ankles and compared notes with Jenny and Elsa, who shared my concern. My journal entry for August 24, 2016 captured reflections …

OCTOBER 9, 2023 – My initial encounter with Jimmy Rizzo occurred on impulse by Cliff. “There’s a guy you should meet,” Cliff said to me after ending a business call while I was in his office. “He’s a director of Bayonne Bank, which has branches all over the place, but he happens to have his …

OCTOBER 8, 2023 -As the waitress cleared our lunch plates I checked the time. “Jesus!” I said to Cliff. “My plane leaves the gate in 39 minutes!” If the table hadn’t been bolted down, we would have knocked it over. On our way out Cliff slapped a 10 and a 20 down on the counter …

OCTOBER 7, 2023 – UB’s adjustment to the CareOne transitional facility in Paramus was rocky at best. The day after my initial visit there, I received a call that UB had hauled off and hit another resident—a big no-no to say the least and a potential ticket for UB’s ouster. But quick intervention by Cliff …

OCTOBER 6, 2023 – In December 2015, UB left his fortress for the last time, though no one then new it would be the last. Had he known it was his final exit—and why—he probably wouldn’t have called 9-1-1. He was having an “episode,” as he later characterized it; a  diabetic event coupled with a …

OCTOBER 5, 2023 – In September 2015, a couple of months after the nursing home blow-up, I was again in New York but strictly to attend a board meeting of the World Press Institute, and with Beth to visit Byron, Jenny and Garrison. The board meeting was coupled with other events involving the annual fellowship …

OCTOBER 4, 2023 – Whereas Mother’s glide path toward the end of her life was a long, steady descent with wheels closing in on the trees but never quite clipping them, UB’s glide path was filled with turbulence, deviations, and even complete aerobatic “go arounds.” From my usual perspective 1,200 miles away, I wasn’t close …

OCTOBER 3, 2023 – In early 2015 UB was hospitalized again; nothing life threatening, but another chink in his armor. Cliff kept me closely apprised, and notified me when UB was about to be discharged to a transitional facility at a local nursing home. Cliff’s later call caught me off guard, however. He was in …

OCTOBER 2, 2023 – Mother, meanwhile, was losing altitude in both the mental and physical realms. Of course that tends to happen when a person hits 90 and shuffles into the uncertain territory beyond. Her memory—short-term and long-term—was still impressive, but her anxiety about minor matters, such as exactly where I parked my car during …

OCTOBER 1, 2023 – My journal entry for Friday, June 22, 2012 reflected a chronic preoccupation with “Old Joisey”: Last night I experienced a highly symbolic dream, as so often occurs in my dream world. On this occasion, the subject matter was New Jersey, which has occupied so much of my thoughts over the past …

SEPTEMBER 30, 2023 – As UB approached 90 after Mother had officially reached 89, the two of them seemed to be holding their own—physically, anyway: UB still attended the weekly seniors exercise class offered at the Kip Community Center in Rutherford (he was the only male and the oldest participant). Though Mother was slowing down, …

SEPTEMBER 29, 2023 – We’d first met 37 years before—in the summer of 1975—for all of about 10 seconds. Grandpa had asked me to deliver some papers to the law offices of Smith & Ely at 17 Ames Avenue in Rutherford. He said the papers were his and Gaga’s signed wills and trust documents. I …

SEPTEMBER 28, 2023 – Whatever message UB intended by dropping me off at the bus stop on that October afternoon, I chose to ignore it. When I returned to Minnesota, I took the bold step of sending him a friendly letter in which I reaffirmed his “capital idea” regarding disposition of Hamburg (bequeathing it to …

SEPTEMBER 27, 2023 – Gaga’s antique Toyota was nowhere to be seen. Cliff later informed me that UB and Angelo’s attempts to resuscitate it had failed; it was subsequently junked (for good)) so the garage it had occupied could be rented out by Cliff’s efforts for UB’s benefit. Also gone was Grandpa’s 1984 burgundy Cadillac, …

SEPTEMBER 26, 2023 – In October (2011) Beth and I made another trip to New York, this time to check on the recent graduate’s adjustment to the real world . . . of international banking. I used the sojourn as an excuse to venture across the Hudson—this time alone—to tilt again at the family’s windmill. …

SEPTEMBER 25, 2023 – Dad once pointed out to me that as you age, each increment of time becomes a smaller percentage of your life’s total. “And that,” he said, “is why time seems to accelerate the older you become.” After he’d provided this perspective, each day, week, month, year of my life clicked away …

SEPTEMBER 24, 2023 – (Cont.) I don’t think Mother was always so cheap. Maybe it was Dad’s influence: as he used to joke, “We Småläningar[1]are so frugal we dilute our water.” But if he led a life-long campaign against waste of any kind, he wasn’t cheap; he wasn’t one to buy sub-standard products. “You get …

SEPTEMBER 23, 2023 – Though I’d predicted accurately that Mother would never ask to see Björnholm again, I was surprised that after we moved her hurriedly into an assisted living facility, she expressed no longing for the house at 505 Rice in Anoka. In fact, she returned to it but twice. The first time was …

SEPTEMBER 22, 2023 – UB was the least sentimental person in the family. He never said a word about his youth or “the good ol’ days” except for talking a couple of times in his 80s about army life during the war and the occasion in 2006 when he slowed the car on the bridge …

SEPTEMBER 21, 2023 – Conditions at 42 Baghdad Street saw no improvement in 2008. Cliff remained as busy as ever with Cliffhanger Productions, barreling straight through the financial crisis that fall. If people’s investment portfolios were taking a major hit, rich folks still needed someone to produce over-the-top birthday parties for their kids, and Cliff …