AUGUST 26, 2021 – Today’s headlines could drive any thinking person into a cave, protected from a world on fire and free from people obsessed with their individual freedom—to hell with the rest of us.
To calm myself down, I decided to play an old mind game: What would I do with a billion bucks?
This time around, however, I turned the game into a multi-disciplinary undergraduate course. I launched by asking students to prepare a list describing what they’d do with a billion bucks. The responses were mind-numbing. Then began the real work, as I nudged, challenged, debated “why?”
After exhaustive analyses, I threw a curve ball. I enlisted volunteers from the class of senior citizens in the surrounding community and put the same question to them: “What would you do with a billion bucks?” After collecting responses, I invited the “seniors” in to explain their choices.
Doubtless the process and results benefited all (pretend) participants.
Of course, the instructor—moi—had to divulge his own imaginary deployment of a billion bucks. Here goes . . .
I’d start by giving away $750 million. But not so fast. I’d have to create a foundation, recruit a board, retain an executive director, engage a portfolio manager, and provide input on philosophy, objectives, etc. (I’d focus on climate change issues (including land and water conservation), the arts, education, and racial/social justice, but allow an “open-ended” category, as well.) For a long while, this would be a full-time pre-occupation.
Next, I’d hire a consultant to advise me on how to “spread the wealth” ($100 million) among family and friends, knowing that if I weren’t careful, I’d develop three serious problems: 1. I’d suddenly have more friends than would be good for a person; 2. I’d suddenly have no friends I could truly believe were friends; and 3. I’d be imposing problems 1 and 2 on family members—to say nothing about killing initiative.
With another $100 million, I’d establish a political action committee supporting candidates who’d advance my policy ideas. Or, to hell with that—like so many other egomaniacal billionaires, I’d run for office myself.
Just kidding. In all seriousness, I’d contribute heavily to the cause of campaign finance reform—to get all private money out of politics. (What’s life without irony?)
Down to $50 million, I’d resurface our driveway, remodel the kitchen and downstairs bathroom, and pay a “bag and toss” person to clean out the basement. I’d pay a landscaping/yard maintenance outfit to play catch-up to neighborhood standards, and I’d have a new roof put on the Red Cabin. To humor my wife, I’d say, “Find us a ‘get-away’ condo with a view in St. Paul and a house on a hill in Tuscany. I’d take a ski trip to Zermatt, maybe go on a safari in the Serengeti and visit relatives in Sweden and Norway. I’d spend a month each year in Portugal.
And I’d pay good money to a local college so I could teach a class called, “What would you do with a billion bucks?”
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© 2021 by Eric Nilsson
